I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
