Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
