He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
