Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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