Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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