Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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