so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
