Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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