There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
