She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
