Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
