Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
