Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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