How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
