To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
