Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
