is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
