what day is it and did you see me today?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
found the other keg... it's in the tree
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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