He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
