I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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