We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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