Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
