dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
