I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
