I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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