Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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