idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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