im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
