She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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