i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
