I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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