i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
