I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
either way he was missing a nipple.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
did i just pee glitter
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
