don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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