Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
