Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
