Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
