I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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