Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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