Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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