my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A+ Viking dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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