I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
