We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
