So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
