Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
