do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
