dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
