so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
