Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
