lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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