Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
