I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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