I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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