i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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