awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
