If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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