she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She bit a glass in half.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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