She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
