I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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