this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
