Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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