My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
