Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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