Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize