Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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