just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
