1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
