biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
