9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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