So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
