bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
