you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
