i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
