He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
