Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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