She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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