cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
