can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
