Heybabeimwearingurpanties
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
