I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
